Just Manda

Monday, January 31, 2011

is something ive never had, always low self esteem. when i was young i had buck teeth, big glasses and was chubby so of course i was teased, and for two i grew up mostly with my dad and i never learned anything about confidence or how to carry myself and over the years the many relationships that i have had tht were mostly bad didnt help either..even though the one person who did me the most wrong, made me feel the most beautiful, and thats when i knew he was telling the truth. he wasnt a good guy but in those moments i knew he was being genuiune, so now yes im self conscious and prolly always will be, no matter how perfect i plan to get my teeth or how much weight i lose. being imperfect...makes me well, me.

to love, is to be free
9:11 PM;

Friday night went out and had fun

then saturday night we were just gunna go to the movies but we got talked into going to the bar, that was pretty fun, laughed alot, drank and danced with my babe and my i got so tore up, i didnt even remember things from when we got home, and ive always remembered to that was a little scary...least i was with loved ones

then we woke up sunday morning and breakfast was made for us and we got talked us into going bowling which omg was fun in itself, so me and maine bowled and had a blast even though i sucked

then we had a hotel room last night and we ate, watched a movie and went to bed pretty early....was a great weekend but omg i was so hungover for most of sunday lol

and on top of it we got invited down to lincoln for the next 2 weekends for some birthday parties, lol. i dont wanna be out drinking all the time but crazy times i see ahead. and who knows if that will even happen

and i thought this was cute, maine said when we were out he noticed a few people checking me out. i know i get checked out on occasion but felt good that he saw it, lol cause i dont think he'd believe me. i always know he is getting looked at, so it felt a little reversed. but tho he can be very cocky at times, smh which is a turn off to me, the comments ya know...im sure like its a turn off to a man when a woman acts like she the ish and hers dont stank.

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to love, is to be free
12:21 PM;

Saturday, January 29, 2011

def had alot of fun last night. Maine brought his friend and we met up with my cousins girl and her friends, and we stayed pretty seperate all night cept when he would come gimme a kiss in the middle of pool or we would all go smoke together. cant wait to do it again, ive needed to get out and with new people. always knew missy ( cousins girl ) but never went out with her, and now i shall start !

this was my makeup last night

to love, is to be free
12:08 PM;

Friday, January 28, 2011

so as we know, i get up at 5am to go get babe and take him to work so i PLANNED on going home and napping, getting nails done and running errands, lol it was so not the case. i was lazy got up and out the house at 10, ran to get babes money, ran to walmart, edited pix, got glasses fixed. went to mid-k got me lashes, and eyelash brush, him a du-rag and some beads. thennnn went and got something to eat and took it to him, then i was gunna run and get nails done, but had to pick him back up like 2 hours later. well i had to run and get gas, back to walmart to get him a loofah and pick up pix, then ran to nail shop with 45 min to spare, waited 15 min and i wasnt gunna have enough time...so i ran and picked him up, ran to my moms, we ran to the mall then another store, took him home, ran and got my nails done and now im in the midst of getting ready to go out. his boys night got cancelled so he going out with me and the girls lol. so once im done i gotta go pick him up and get out the bar...he is sooo driving !!

to love, is to be free
5:25 PM;

never had a man really pay for anything for me so its weird. i dont mind paying for us to go eat or if he needs something but when it comes to me im like nooo im ok. he gave me money to get my nails done and some cash to go out with tonight :) its diff when we live together or married, so its cute, just had to say how weird it is for me, cause its not usually like that...just another way he is good to me, compared to the others !

oh and tonight he planned a guys night and with him not having a phone i always get paranoid and grrrr but i managed to find some girls to go out with, so even though his got cancelled, i need to get out. i dont have many friends that are local anymore so i tend to be at home by myself, babysitting my neices or with my babe. and generally im ok with that, never been a big social butterfly or partier. but tonight shall be fun, im actually going out with my cousins gf, even at my wedding i thought she was super sweet and then a month or so ago at my uncles bday party we talked and had fun and im gunna go enjoy myself !

on side note : depending wether to start doing vids on youtube for fun but im not all that interesting, but i have alot of thoughts, im kinda random if you havnt noticed !

to love, is to be free
4:49 AM;

Thursday, January 27, 2011

oh and another thing, since when is it "cool" to be unfaithful ? i hear it like on every song on the radio, guys saying they got a girl but its all in fun or we can do it but then you gotta leave cause you aint my wife, etc. thats part of the reason i think guys do it, because its mainstream !

to love, is to be free
8:01 PM;

ok one thing that bothers me and i know its cause i have low self esteem but i see pix of my man with his friends or exes all of whom are skinny and it makes me feel out of place for some reason, maybe cause im not a social butterfly or i dont go out much. weight has been an issue with me for awhile but when i decide to lose it ill do it but i only want to do it for me and when i am ready and he pushes that. he says it shows that i am uncomfortable and after all these years i dont get why, ive always been a heavier girl. and maybe its cause i think he is so attractive that he deserved better and i hate feeling like that, i really do. but once i get working or unemployment in, i plan on going to the gym and start cutting out my diet, etc. just a random thought because sometimes i dont think he really thinks im beautiful, even though he tells me every day. i know alot of this is my head but i cant help it...same thing with trust.

to love, is to be free
7:59 PM;

Ok so most know about me and my new bf. well we been back and forth for months and finally re-made it official on NYE er day or whatever ha ha it was midnight when he gave me my ring and made a promise to me. not engaged but def taken, he is kinda sweet like that. i got him a ring as well right before xmas and he wears it all the time, pretty cute. we had alot of issues towards the end of last year and i am definately glad that is all done and over with. I still have a major issue with trusting men and its something i really need to get over. but my mind has been bent by so many in the past...and he had a few minor mishaps with me early on but its cause i was being overly cautious and i didnt want to get hurt anymore than the last few years has done to me. i take it day by day and i am so in love with him....we talk about marriage and babies. never ever wanted to get married again but he def has made me want to change my mind.

to love, is to be free
10:27 AM;

Oh this totally made me giggle. I was on my way to my job interview this morning and Nu Shooz snippet came on and it made me think of Kandee Johnson, lol and her prego dancing. Then I started thinking about a video I saw of hers about positivity and etc and it helped my mood before going into interview !! Was too cute.

to love, is to be free
9:39 AM;

Have been meaning to do this as an outlet for some time now. Will get to posting more soon :)

to love, is to be free
8:24 AM;